Story of The Space
After nearly 15 years of intensive spiritual work, healings, personal development programs, workshops, retreats, working and teaching in the fields of yoga, personal empowerment, mindfulness and leadership I found myself having a major breakdown and felt ready to give up on it all. I had a beautiful family, an incredible husband, a lovely home, a dream job and within my own mind I had a war still raging. Of course I was much better than when I had stumbled across yoga and meditation in my mid 20’s but after so many years of doing so much work and having so many breakthroughs I was still struggling with a sense of feeling lost. As I lay there deep within my own pit of misery it became clear that I had to DO something. So I quit life. I left my dream job and I made a commitment that for 1 year I would not take on any extra responsibilities outside of simply taking care of myself, my family and my home. That first year was what I refer to now as my detox. I had to learn to let go of who I thought I was in this world. Social media, social engagements, alcohol, friends, society mostly became distant and irrelevant for my day to day. I spent more time on myself. I was working out diligently, meditating, journaling and spending a lot of time in nature. Overall I was feeling much better however as the 1 year mark approached I had this sense of sadness that I had not achieved what I was searching for…absolute clarity and connection in my daily life not just moments of the experience. As I sat in meditation and once again found myself in a deep, dark hole of my own making I heard a loud, booming voice within my head.
“You have not given all of yourself yet.”
In that moment I knew exactly what that meant and I saw how for the previous year I had been dancing around the deeper work. I was still finding ways to make myself busy and finding ways to fill the hours of my day. In that moment I made another commitment; I gave myself 1 more year but this time I promised that at least 3 days a week I would not leave my house and I would fall deeply into my work with God. I created a “work” schedule for myself, my shopping day and errands for the family was on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursdays became my spiritual work days & Fridays I left open for being out in nature. As a first born Aries that spent most of my 30’s DOING I needed to have some structure and purpose to my days, this is the way that I validated for my mind that I was working. What I came to understand was that this work…this job, was the most important (and difficult) that I had ever accepted.
For the first few months of my new yearly commitment I would not leave my bedroom. I would drop the kids at school and my husband would go to work and I would begin my work day which consisted of hours of meditation, movement, breath work & soaking in a bath. The first few days were the most difficult, I fought with boredom, resistance, fear, anger & doubt every day. I found little peace at the beginning and had to use my own will and determination to keep from quitting and simply stepping out of this self made experiment. After a short time, and help from low dose THC, I began to settle in and my mind began to give up on the fight. A sense of stillness and quiet began to take over and my time in my bedroom began to take on a different feel. I started to see things very clearly and understand my life and my journey up until that point in a very different way.
As my mind took a step back, my heart took a leap forward. Please understand that at this point in my journey I had done LOTS of work. Lots of energy work, lots of healing work, I had a committed meditation practice for several years and I had a ton of “knowledge” from books and trainings and mentors. None of this was new to me however what began to happen was a deeper knowing and wisdom that was coming from within. Not from what I had learned along the way, it came from somewhere deep inside of myself where there were no questions and no doubts only absolute and complete knowing. As my own heart began to open I began to experience the deepest feelings of love. It’s hard to express in words this feeling as it was like nothing I had ever known before in this lifetime. There was an intense and oftentimes overwhelming sense of Oneness which I can only describe as Love. I felt surrounded by it, lifted up by it, guided by it and my days began to be filled with it. I took it out of my bedroom and into my life and I lived for the next few months mostly in this beautiful state of bliss. The little agitations and irritations of life and family could not penetrate and I just felt so complete and whole.
One day as I sat in my meditation chair I felt as though I would never need to DO anything ever again, I could spend my days just like this and I would be content. Slowly however I was pulled out of my cocoon of home and it began to come clear that it was time to share. We come here to learn, grow, remember, experience and then to share. We are a community, we are connected and we are here to support one another along the way. As I stepped back into life the Universe began to place in my path a clear understanding of what I was to do with all that I had remembered and experienced. I was given a place to share and The Space was born.
This space was always an act of complete Surrender and ultimate Trust. Every day I have recommitted myself to letting go and allowing Spirit to work within the walls of this building. Over the first year I stepped into who I was now and how I would operate in this new way of BEING. I worked through my own fears of being seen and of speaking my truth, I learned to listen and I learned how to hold space for others on their journey. I came to understand that it was not my job to heal or fix anyone or anything as no one is really broken. I learned to let go of what I thought the work would be and I became a true conduit of the love and the light that I had remembered to be true.
Over time I was called to expand from my little room working 1:1 with people into a community space offering classes and workshops. I continued to listen and to simply trust that Spirit was guiding and I didn’t need to worry about any of it. I didn’t look for teachers I allowed them to come, I didn’t look for the community I allowed it to come. As you can imagine this all took practice and diligent awareness as my own mind and ego learned to operate in this new way of being in the world. Over the coming months beautiful people and experiences became common place and I found myself witnessing the most incredible transformations. People that committed themselves to the work, as I had done, were breaking through so quickly. It continues to be stunning to see and I am constantly humbled by my vantage point. After now having been “in business” for 2 years our community continues to grow and thrive. Those that are ready feel and experience something as they step into our intimate Space. This space was born out of my hearts connection with All That IS and it continues to grow, be supported and lifted up by all those that are called to BE there. It is a collaboration of community it started with my story and my journey however now it is about the collective journey and it is a space to supports the individuals work to remember for themselves.
As the Universe continues to grow me and show me what is possible when you are in alignment I feel a strength that picks me up every single day and gently guides me forward into the Vision of a New World. A new order. A new way of being in wholeness and a new way of understanding wellness.
We hold space. We hold space for others to be whatever they need to be in any given moment without judgement. We are continually learning and growing together and the guidance and the support that we receive from the “unseen” realms holds us up and lifts us into our own remembering and our own wisdom that is waiting to be seen and felt and experienced. This is our call and this is our Space.