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wisdom of a caretaker

Updated: May 3, 2021

I am not even sure the answer to that, I believe it is different for every person. I have been thru many challenges in my life. I am a strong person, on every level. I am empathic, giving and generous, available emotionally to others. I have been a holistic healer, instructor and guide for most of my life, and trained for the past 25 years in the art of helping others to find a doorway into their own healing capabilities and igniting that within.

You think you know, until you don’t know. When my husband was diagnosed with cancer 7 years ago I realized all I had trained for was a preparation for where we were at that point. I had a myriad of tools to draw upon. I became his full time caretaker, and I was up to the task. I never questioned my purpose, I was dedicated to him and our commitment to one another. I had my spiritual guidance and the support of relationships we formed since living here in Phoenix.

I am a lone soldier, and people would volunteer to help, yet I learned that was not enough. I learned that people need to let you know what they are available to do and what times. When you are in a situation where you are called to act quickly and make a decision how to go forward you need a list of who you can call to assist.

So many times I was at the hospital for longer periods that excepted, while my dogs were trapped at home with no one to let them out or feed them. Now I know to prepare ahead, just in case.

This happened last Friday after a ” simple outpatient” procedure lasted 5 hours longer than expected. Each time I learn something new, be prepared, you never know, as life is unpredictable.

This is the hardest job I have ever experienced. I have been in service jobs my whole life and this one is the most challenging and the most rewarding. To offer oneself for the greater good of another is ultimate. I sometimes cry as I am saying, “I am not good at self-sacrifice”, as I am running to help. Throwing down my own agenda.

I have to be honest, it begins to wear you out. I have had to learn to take care of myself in a new way. My caretaking has become less, yet my energy has changed.

I carve out time for me to do things I love. I tell my husband every thing I feel as I know he understands the challenge we face. We do not hold on to any of it. I have to air my feelings and frustrations. As I get older I can’t keep it in.

I go through “burn out” times where I hibernate and do as little as possible. I come out refreshed with a new attitude. This is an ebb and flow. I am able to push through so much, and gather the strength and energy to do what needs to be done. I still work. I have adjusted how I give and it changes according to my level of tiredness.

I tend to suppress my emotions during challenges where I am handling things on the fly and after is when I feel affected I remind myself to focus on faith and trust, that no matter where I’m at, I am present and know I am supported in all ways and it is an illusion that we do anything alone. I breathe and breathe some more releasing the energy to free myself from the thoughts that keep coming in telling me I can’t go on, when I know that is from the past and I can focus upon the now and let all that go, knowing that I am loved and I have the power to heal my mind from tricking me into thinking I have control.

It doesn’t matter whether I am laying on a beach or in the waiting room of a hospital, the true reality is what I am experiencing in the moment, that is all I need to know. This is the journey I chose with my guy at my side, a beautiful man with a huge heart who loves and appreciate all we do for one another. He is my home, my family and I would not change one minute of our time together!

  1. make a list of people who can help, times, availability and what they can help with.

  2. reach out and let someone know where you are

  3. make sure a neighbor or friend has a key to your home.

  4. let your loved ones know what is happening in case you need food, company, a shoulder to lean on they want to help!

  5. you are never alone, you have guardian angels, ancestors and spirit guides by your side always, giving you the energy and unconditional support, You are loved by your family on Earth and in the Heavens. That is something I remind myself of daily. I united by the love we share with all life!

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